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March 8, 2006
Color me Red and Blue
I am really awful at dealing with embarassment. Ever since a certain incident a few days ago I have been in a perpetual state of embarassment. I feel like everything I say is stupid and everyone hates me. My self-confidence is completely blown, I want to hide and give up, I've been avoiding any situation that might involve any sort of confrontation or expectation from me. Somehow this feeling of embarassment is really one of fear. Though I'm not entirely sure what I'm afraid of. I guess it would be a fear of being alone, disliked, a fear of failure. So that's my psychoanaylsis of myself.
I have lots of other things to do, but I could probably take a moment to recall the crazy events of the past few days...hmm...what the heck did I do last weekend? Probably bad if I don't remember.
Oh wait. Friday I did some filming. Saturday I went to NY-- visited Ellis Island, ate Dim Sum. Sunday I did all my Sunday things. Except I watched the Oscars o'course. Not as good as I expected. Although, I now hunger to see many of those movies. Stupid little tid bits that intrige and entice!
Monday I went to 2 Bible studies. I know, I'm out of control. That was also the day of the incident that created the tight feeling in my chest that just won't go away. And I went to a cool lecture... Yay Women's History Month. And I went to the Lafayette meeting. AND I saw Harry Potter. I may or may not have fallen asleep towards the end... 12:30 is past my bedtime little friends!!!
Tuesday. I may or may not have gone to my first class....I may or may not have eaten a chocolate chip pancake gifted to me by one of my suitemates. German is killing me. KILLING ME. I have no fucking clue what's going on. I'm going to fail (read: get a B-) and then I'm going to cry. And cry. And cry. English was difficult as usual, not helped by the pervading sense of unworthiness that was and is hanging about me. I finally got some film logged and captured though. I also finished writing my stupid History paper!!!! And we had a McK Discussion. Which also didn't help my self-doubt.
Today. Geo ended 20 minutes early again. Is there really that little to say about volcanoes? *Shrug* Less for me to study over Spring Break. Went to German LAB. Very sad about replacement of basically entire cast on my German soap opera. It's a totally different show. With the same title. Do they really do that with soap operas? It's very weird.
This article is really not helping my self-esteem slow it's downward plumet. http://www.lafayette.edu/news.php/view/8400/
Posted by kt at March 8, 2006 11:27 AM
Comments
YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL.
Posted by: k8 at March 8, 2006 2:39 PM
I LOVE YOU! YOU ARE BRILLIANT AND BEAUTIFUL AND SUCCESSFUL AND THE ONLY PERSON WHO COULD PULL OFF READING AMERICAN PAGEANT FOR FUN! RE: YOU ARE MY HERO! HUG! I CANNOT WAIT FOR YOU TO COME HOME
Posted by: Marley at March 8, 2006 3:12 PM
I agree with Marley. I love you to peices too. What happened!?!?! Email me! Love ya!
Posted by: Bess at March 8, 2006 9:23 PM