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May 23, 2006
Some Day Will All be Old and I'll be So Damn Beautiful
An obligatory dance this.
My grades: 2 A's, 2 A-'s
Yes yes, quite respectable.
Still on a quest for a job. Want to employ me? I'll do JUST ABOUT anything.
Posted by kt at 8:11 PM | Comments (3)
May 19, 2006
The Empty Plate.
I really angry. I don't know who I can be angry at, myself maybe, society, of course the anger originates from my mother.
I don't know how honest I can be about this, I don't think I've been very honest with myself. Some of you know, I lost a lot of weight the last month or so of school. Like, a little, then a lot, then I gained some back. And ever since Spring Break I've been getting compliments on how trim and athletic I look. And you know, that's nice. Except I didn't lose the weight being atletic. I was more atletic all year. But when I got stressed out and stopped eating, basically full stop. that's when I lost the weight.
So my mother has been the main complimenter. Every time she looks at me she remarks on how good it is that I got into running and rock climbing. Hello? I dropped a FUCKING PANTS SIZE. And I was exercising all year, yet I suddenly got "fit" for Easter, does no one else see the connection? Dieting is easy, you just don't eat and you lose weight.
But here's the thing. I don't actually want to give up eating. I'm pretty fond of it. I'm sick of my pants not fitting. But now I don't feel like I can go back. I'm scared to gain anything back. Like it'll all appear in little bags on my thighs and stomach or something. And I'm starting to feel like I must really look a lot better. I know, I was never fat. But now I'm really messed up.
I don't want to exagerate. Since that one week, I've been eating. It wasn't about anerxia. It was about having two ten page papers and two tests. But the fall out of not eating for a week, that's what's getting to me. I guess this is kind of a cry for help or attention or something. But I really don't want to tell anyone. You guys don't count as "anyone" you're above that. Plus. I really needed to get the anger out. I was starting to think about punching walls.
Posted by kt at 4:56 PM | Comments (4)
May 16, 2006
Summer Begins
So I'm home. Eating real food, seeing several of the gang, working on not killing my mother and learning how to drive. Um....
So. On Friday I got home. And I saw M. and Mdubz and B___.
On Saturday I went to U Del with Miriam. It was a rockin' good time. We saw peeps, and ate ice cream at COLDSTONE! Hello Peanut butter cup perfection, where have you been all my life? (With peanut butter ice cream!!!!)
On Sunday I finally slept. And did very little.
On Monday M. and I went thrifting and librarying and chinese food eating and stuff. Pretty much awesome.
Today was rather dull. I talked to my Engineer on the phone :-D So that was awesome. Then I voted! Who else did? No one? Figures. B____ and I baked 3 kinds of cookies. They basically rock. And I finally did some unpacking. I need a lifecoach to help me get rid of some...no...lots of stuff. Where does it all come from? Do the shirts multiply with each other when I pack them in suitcases? The problem is, my room at school is twice as big as my room at home. My closet there is gi-hug-ic. My bureau. Etc. Then it all comes back here and doesn't fit. It's all a bit frightening.
I don't know what to do with myself. I need to get employed. And find a day planner. Then I'll be okay.
Posted by kt at 10:12 PM | Comments (2)
May 13, 2006
Um...
is it August yet?
Posted by kt at 9:58 AM | Comments (3)
May 11, 2006
Oh Lafayette, Oh Lafayette-- So Fair, So Dear to Me
Hey little friends. I'm done. Assuming I pass all my classes-- I'm offically a sophomore. Astounding no? And in this last month or so I've finally become like, a real college student! Amazing.
I was reading my early entries in this blog the other day, and I just can't believe how much I've changed. Like same personality and all, but totally different information that I'm working with now. It boggles the mind. We've all changed. We have all these experiances and people and places and secrets that we didn't and don't share. Not that I have any secrets..... But you know what I mean. It's like we're all out there on our own. Living our own lives. Tear.
On a brighter note. What an awesome year. It had its downs-- but what ups! What cool stuff I did! All the people I met! And the classes I took! And plus that Engineer that I'm head over heels for. :-D Actually I was single for like what... 4 months this year? 5? Jeeze. I'm such a slut. M. knows how big of a slut.
A little shout out to all the little people who made this year possible:
To my life coaches, M. and K8-- thanks for all the useful advice. Don't worry M. I'm keeping #3 in mind.
To Ru-- thanks for all the conversations I couldn't have had with anyone else. You know what I'm talking about.
To B_____ -- Way to be a yoga master. And send me lots of e-mails to keep my spirits up. DQ soon.
To Mdubs-- Next year you shall be one of us friend! Can't wait to visit you in NY.
Oh yeah. And they'd better not somehow read this.... but shout out to my parents for providing much of the cash that made this year of "learning" possible.
I'm homeward bound tomorrow.
Posted by kt at 1:59 PM | Comments (4)
May 9, 2006
Alert:
My mother is on facebook.
So I get this e-mail from my mother. Actually it's a forward from my aunt. The first sentence is something like, "It was fun to see the picture of [kt] and [her Engineer] all dressed up." So I'm thinking to myself. My mother doesn't have those pictures, let alone my aunt.... I sent my mother an e-mail-- "How did you get a hold of that picture??" The reply:
"I found it on [your Engineer's] Face Book page without Jon's help. I do have a college E-mail address so it isn't so hard to get on it. I did not need Jon."
My mother is one of those facebook stalker professors we've all been warned about.....
Posted by kt at 11:30 PM | Comments (3)
May 8, 2006
Hi Kids!
What a fabulous weekend. What a crapy Sunday night though. Cooped up in the library studying.
The rest of the weekend though. :-D
I'll tell you kids when you're older.
So let's get on with me complaining about finals. Well. I'm mostly done at this point. Amazingly enough. Because my only sit down exam was this morning at 9. And I turned in both my final papers around 1. Remaining work:
English- 3pg paper
History- NOTHING!!! Mwwaahahaha!
Geology- NOTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!
German- Create presentation....give presentation, test corrections
Also. Must remember to return library books. And pack. And probably some other things. But still. You all hate me for being kind of close to being done right? Just need to knock German out of the way.
And the film fest is tonight. I prefer not to think about that.
Posted by kt at 2:38 PM | Comments (4)
May 5, 2006
Friday
Just a question: Are my comments not working, or are you guys just really busy?
Also. I had a thought today that in a repressive facist country I could have a fabulous jounralistic career. Really. Here I get in trouble for not writitng about anything critically, but there-- I'd be the government's darling. Of course if they go out of power, my head's on the chopping block...
! Assuming I pass all my finals, I'm a sophomore! No more classes! (Until August...)
Posted by kt at 11:46 AM | Comments (4)
May 3, 2006
Don't Try This At Home
So. Uh. Turned out my film wasn't done. Well it is now. But I put about....four more hours into it yesterday. Hours I was supposed to be spending on my History paper. So I got a little upset (read: hysterical) about what my life was going to be like until finals are over.
Anyway. Mistakes were made. My advice to you kids: Never dive bomb your carpet. Your elbows will bleed.
Not to be overly dramatic. I mean. My elbows will recover. They're kinda gross looking right now though.
Posted by kt at 11:58 AM | Comments (3)
May 1, 2006
I FINISHED MY FILM!!!
Well. I might make a few more changes before 5PM Wednesday, but mostly it is done. !!!! Huzzah.
Now if I could just get the damn papers written I'd be set. Plus the silly German presentation. And the giant geo final...
And if my Engineer could finish his work.
Then I'd be set.
Posted by kt at 10:34 PM | Comments (1)